A little do-gooding

"It's for your own good." I've actually had these words spoken to me in past days more than once. Then, I received advice on how to address a situation with a friend, with an eye toward what could be done "for her own good." Is it ironic that it gave me a not-so-comfortable feeling? Of course, I want to do something that qualifies as "good" for her, but do I get to decide what that is? If given the option, she might say, "hell no." The thing of it is that so often, in these "do good" situations, what you're going to do, from the outside, is likely to look like doing what is going to work best for yourself.

It's one thing for a parent or guardian to decide and act on what is best for a child; it's their job to use judgment where the child lacks it. But who am I to decide what is best for another adult, what they can handle, and who are they to decide what is best for me? Whose judgment is dominant? (Well, that's more of a rhetorical question. Mine, of course, who are we kidding?) Are we really talking about manipulation here? The cynic in me says human action is driven by self-interest. But being a cynic, I also believe that the world can be a better place, if people open their eyes a bit to what's really important and how they're affecting others. Maybe on a good day, that self-interest coincides with what is best for another, and everyone wins. I suspect that happens much less often than we tell ourselves it does.

For me, being told that someone is going to or wants to do something for my own good gets my hackles up, which tells me that I ought not put myself on the other side of the equation. But it's human nature to believe that we understand what's going on, how a scenario should play out, and what's best for others. Real life is messy (that's what makes it beautiful and worth diving into every day!) and I guess the key is working toward truly putting others' best interests before my own, with the blinders off.