Not buying it

When I was visiting my grandmother awhile back, she said, "I hope this won't offend you," which of course means I'm about to be offended. Then she launched into god talk. She's always been religious, and she's always been worried to death that I and my brother are heathens (and going to hell, of course). But I listened to her describe how her faith had helped her through difficult times because I knew how important it was to her and that she was worried about me. "If you invite HIM in, HE will come." Hmmmm. That sentence kind of cycled through my head as she went on and on. What a simple, simplistic idea. But I don't like simple, I like complexity. She even handed me a Max Lucado book, "Next Door Savior." I just picked it up, thinking I should mail it back to her, because I'll never read it. I flipped through -- apparently god loves losers and you can give him all your heartache, worry and struggles. Now that would really be something: Could I tell him that I'm a loser? That in the last few weeks I've lost the people in my life that I cared about and needed the most, that I'm aching, worrying and struggling? And then I'll be hunky dory? I know the desperate, scared (and imprisoned) are big recruiting grounds for god, but I guess I've never been that desperate because it never made sense to me before and it doesn't now. It would be lovely if life were that simple, but it's simply not.