Learning to talk

Amazing how bad I can be at something I do everyday. This week, I had two similar miscommunication experiences with two people that I know very well (or think I do) and who know me very well (or think they do). These are people that I listen to carefully, love and desperately want to communicate well with. In both cases, I was misunderstood and I misunderstood them so badly that I'm ashamed and shocked. Have I learned nothing?

There's a technique that therapists often use where one person speaks and the other repeats the thoughts in their own words until the speaker verifies that they've gotten it right. It can take several tries. It sounds strange and feels awkward at first, but it helped clear up this week's messes. I had such a sense of relief then, when I found out that assumptions (you know what they do) were wrong and feelings on both sides were hurt unnecessarily.

Also, they say that 90 percent of communication is non-verbal. It's so true. A touch of the hand, laying my head on their shoulder and a hug took us most of the way there.