555-SEXY

Okay, you who wanted more details, here's part of what I've recently learned. It has to do with answering the question, "who you gonna call?"

T: Okay, let's say it's late on a Saturday night, and you've been out with friends, but things are winding down. You're thinking you're gonna call someone to come over and play.

Me: I'm picturing it....okay, got it.

T: And let's say that you have two prospects. Jason is an old boyfriend from ages ago, and Claudio is a coworker that you've hooked up with a couple of times, but that's all. You are not emotionally invested with either of them, so they do not have the capacity to hurt you. This is key. Don't forget it.

Me: I won't. Which one's hotter?

T: Claudio is way hotter. Dark eyes, lashes and hair, great body.

I'll call him.

Not so fast. Claudio is hot, but he's short and not at all well-endowed. He's too small. Jason, on the other hand, swings a big unit and knows how to use it.

Hmm. He's a good lover?

Yes, very aggressive. The only thing is that he's so tall -- 6'4" -- and skinny that he'll bruise the hell out of you with his hipbones.

Oooooooh. I'll call Jason.

Maybe...but think about this. Jason's not much of a giver. Claudio, however, has mastered the oral arts and loves it. Very determined.

Damn, this is getting complicated. Now I want to call Claudio right away.

I know, but you also have to think about the fact that Claudio is going to be plowed on Saturday night, and he's gonna come over, but he's gonna have whiskey dick. He'll make up for it with his other skills, but he won't be able to keep it up and you may end up giving him a 40-minute BJ, because you're goal-oriented, and then you'll spend the next day with swollen lips that merit having a picture taken, like I did that one time, remember?

You told me that was from making out too long!!!

I lied.

You bitch. Does Jason drink?

No, he doesn't. He'll be sober and ready to go.

Excellent. So, I'll call Jason and invite him over.

And...

And a few days later, during the week, I'll call Claudio and let him give me what he's good for.

Good girl.