Devil with the Green Eyes

I know you can only see me as a vision.

Friday, December 05, 2008

Craigslist angst

The posts NorthwestObserver finds on his local Craigslist Missed Connections make me laugh so I checked out our local list.

I wonder what these two brought along the lane-dodger for? Did they need him to help them carry lumber out of Lowe's? Are they in the middle of a huge remodeling job? Were they on the way to a movie and just didn't think they could make it without peeing their pants so they stopped to use the bathroom? Were they going to make a porno, but she only wanted friendship, aside from that, because she has a boyfriend? One thing we know, this guy didn't care if he got run over, he had to get away from those two nuts.

You Ran Across Six Lanes of Traffic

I picked you up. We went to Lowes.

My friend and I went into the bathroom, and while we were in there, I said to her, "I'd laugh my ass off if he bailed."

We waited outside of the men's restroom for 10 minutes until a store clerk described what you were wearing and informed us that you had left the store as soon as my friend and I had walked into the restroom.

What I'm wondering is this. Instead of being a man, why did you have to sprint across 6 lanes of traffic, just to get away from us? Were we really that bad? I mean, I've been rejected before, but come on. That was beyond rejection. I really don't think you took into consideration that we could have taken someone far more enjoyable than yourself, but instead, I chose you to go. I also don't think you realized that I didn't want anything from you but a friendship. In fact, I had a boyfriend at the time.

Thank you for making us feel stupid, and thank you for wasting my time, even though in the first e-mail you ever wrote me, it said, "I won't waste your time because I wouldn't want you to waste mine."

I wonder sometimes. Not all the time, I mean, I don't lose sleep over this situation...I just wonder sometimes when I'm bored. Why'd you do it? Did you want to be the butt of all of our jokes? Did you want to seem like a complete asshole? I mean, I don't get it.

Why don't you explain it to me, Evan.


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And this one seems so innocent and sweet, until you get to the part about the Christmas tree and the apron. Sounds like forcible dinner-cooking to me. Little presumptuous for a guy who's invisible to this woman. If she wanted to be making out with him, she would be, and if she wanted to be cooking him dinner, she would be doing that too. Think this is gonna end up a FAIL.

Coffee at Lunch

We go out for coffee for 25 minutes almost every day but I still can't figure you out. I know we have a connection but I'm about to bust. I have a hard time keeping everything in and I'm afraid if the floodgates open I would lose what we have, if you knew how much I liked you. I sit patiently while you tell me about the bartender that you made out with, I just wonder why not me? You also told me about the guy who wrote you a song and how you thought that was silly. Did you know I wrote you a song too? ( I threw it out, I was scared I would be thought of in the same way )Your friendship is very important but I can't get the thought of you next to a Christmas tree with a apron on out of my head. I'm hoping to get the courage to show you how I feel.

2 Comments:

At 1:28 PM, Blogger Alyson said...

The Christmas tree apron thing made me shoot tea out my nose. Good finds. I'll have to check SC's list now...

 
At 10:24 PM, Blogger NWO said...

Wow, what a story. There's an awful lot going on at Lowe's.

 

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